As You Return To "Normal" (aka, One Introvert's Plea)

There are a few things I would ask you to consider as you return to your "normal".

Forgetting the potential that your return is folly and that it is not yet safe to begin opening up the floodgates of network, there are still things to consider and contemplate.

This last year has demonstrated how extroverts very much dominate all conversations around what "normal" should be.  To me, as an introvert, this has very much given me the feeling that society does not consider me to be valid.  And that's fine.... but to my extrovert friends, I see you.  I've heard your explanations that it is human nature to not be like me... so, you know, that was lovely.  And to my introvert friends, know that you are valid, despite what the world (including your friends) may be proclaiming.

For those extroverts interested in seeing your introvert friends, perhaps you should consider how to change your approach with them as you try to coax them from their isolation.  Consider making your re-introduction of yourself low key, low energy, and low pressure.  A small gathering is ideal.  Consider also making it clear that you value their friendship and miss them specifically, not just seeing people. 

For those who are posting about wanting to give all the hugs, consider for a moment how that might impact your friends who are not as interested in that form of expression of affection.  Consider adding to your exuberant exaltations of how you will be hugging all of your friends upon sight that you will of course be asking for consent and perhaps that it will be limited to those who you think are into that sort of thing.  Also, keep in mind that your expression of interest in giving a hug may be pressure placed upon some, an unwelcome pressure that applies stress in an already stressful situation.

For those that are super excited to return to gatherings and exuberantly inviting friends and foregoing any precautions, you'll have to forgive those of us that are still watching the spread and are more skeptical about the position we all find ourselves in.  You should also be aware that some of us are watching, are not impressed, and, indeed, are taking notes.

For those that are gleefully announcing each activity "post pandemic", I feel I should remind you that we're not out of the pandemic yet.  We are very much still in the pandemic and if we're not careful, we may find that we extend the pandemic by quite a bit.  I know, I know, you're tired of hearing that and you're tired of the precautions and the CDC is trying to apply pressure to get people vaccinated in the only way they can think of and local governments are trying to get commerce and tourism going again so they can start taking in money and not provide assistance to those in need.... but wishing doesn't make something so and not paying attention to the situation doesn't make it go away.  

Quarantining on my Own

[to the tune of "Dancing on my Own" by Robyn]

The state of Mass is reopening

Do you think that it's safe again

there's a big black sky over my town

I know the spread's there, yeah it's still around

I go to check the cases

I just gotta see it for myself

I'm quarantining

watching you gather

    oh oh oh

the spread is still the-ere

why can't you see it?

    oh oh oh

I'm giving it my all

but you're not quaran-tining at all

    ooooh

I keep staying on my own

[I keep staying on my own]

Cases fall and rise again

each time we let dooown our guard

I'm crying into my coffee

and spinning around in circles

Emotionally worn out

watching you gather

    oh oh oh

the spread is still the-ere

why can't you see it?

    oh oh oh

I'm giving it my all

but you're not quaran-tining at all

    ooooh

I keep staying on my own

So close to safe, but still so far

    [we re-open, the cases rise]

But you don't see the cycle's there

I just came to say goodbye

Walking away while
watching you gather

    oh oh oh

I'm giving it my all

but you're not quaran-tining at all

    ooooh

I keep staying on my own

[I keep staying on my own]

I'm quarantining

watching you gather

    oh oh oh

the spread is still the-ere

why can't you see it?

    oh oh oh

I'm giving it my all

but you're not quaran-tining at all

    ooooh

I keep staying on my own

[I keep staying on my own]

[I keep staying on my own]

Cruel Summer

To the tune of "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama (oh stop it with the suggestion that there's another song by the same name)

COVID-19 and the people are coming 

to gather round
thinking it's safe cause the state has relaxed restrictions
meanwhile I'm praying (what do you pray?)
that I'm completely wrong
Cases are coming, the spread hasn't disappeared yet

It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
spreading among the kids
it's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer

now you're here

The city is crowded, my friends want to play
and I'm forced to be
around everybody, but I just want to go away

It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
asympto-matically
it's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer
now you're here

Gonna wish only it was

It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
(fully vaxed) asympto-matically
it's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer

now you're here

It's a cruel, cruel summer
coming together again
it's a cruel, cruel summer
now you're here

and I just want to run

It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
(fully vaxed) asympto-matically
it's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer

now you're here

and I just want to run

I Can Be Productive

Sung to the tune of "Can you Feel the Love Tonight"

I can be produ-uctiiive
And do aaaaaall the work
I will not... pro-cras-ti-nate at all
by writing out a song

So much work to do right now
but none of it of interest
and so I'll go emp-ty,,, the dishwasher
and wash the pots and pans

maybe I'll fold my clothes now
and put them in the drawers
and go and water the garden, just a bit
and fix myself a snack

but I can be produ-uctiiive
and do all of the work
I will not pro...-cras-ti-nate at all
from tasks, I can-not hide

you might find that I haaave
digressed just aaaa weee biiiit
but you know.
that I will get the work
done before it's due


and if I get the work done now
I can feel so proud
and I will be able to say I did
and go watch tv toooooo

It's a Trap as only Beauty and the Beast Could Tell the Tale

[sung as either the Candlestick from Beauty and the Beast or as Admiral Ackbar from Return of the Jedi]

It's... a..... trap, it's a trap, 

we must try to close the gap
for the Death Star is a firing 

and the plan has gone to crap

Shields are up, yes they are!
We can't handle the Death Star.

It is fully functional now

and we will not make it far!

Solo's team, where are they?

with their camouflage of grey

they should have those shields down by now

what happened I cannot say!

Cap-it-al, ships are there,

but they hardly seem to care

they aren't firing at all now

they seem almost unaware

Get in close, stay in tight,

we will still give them a fight!

Let the laser take their own ships.

We can't give into the fright.

That Skywalker said

the empire's good as dead

but they're here, get your gear

... IT'S A TRAP!

Is My Anger Akin to White Grievance?

This week has had me comparing myself to those that support Trump.  Not because I support Trump.  Not because I deny science or suggest that the reputable news sources are full of lies.  No, because I was upset by something someone said about me.

I was upset that someone suggested I was fat shaming when describing my own situation, hyperbolized.... and I've since been thinking about why this upset me.

First there's the more reasonable leap of the two, which is also what, I feel, brings me closer to a Trump supporter.  This is the idea that someone thinks that what I said was fat shaming when I don't agree it was. I could go into why I feel that it wasn't fat shaming, but does that really matter?  And boy do I go into why it's not fat shaming.  But isn't this just what those on the other side of the political divide do?  Sure, they use false-equivalencies and falsehoods to support their arguments, but there's also the element of abuse is in the eyes of the abused and that the intent of the person saying harmful words isn't the key.  Words can be harmful without intent and those harmed should be the ones listened to... and yet I object to hearing my words are harmful.  What right have I to claim that my words aren't harmful?  I toss around a couple reasons, but are those reasons valid?  Is it even possible for them to be valid?  Should I not just accept that my words were harmful and try to learn from that?  Is that not what I'm supposed to do?   

Second, there's the idea that my health-related target is invalid and shouldn't be worked on.  This is the less reasonable element of it but somehow it plays out in my head.  I'm struggling with my weight, trying to get it back down to where I was when my doctor gave me the good news that I had an almost-normal blood sugar level, so to hear that that struggle is fat shaming suggests to me that people saying so feel that I should give up on my health efforts.  Having diabetes, not working on my health through watching what I eat and exercising has very real consequences, so feeling that someone is saying I shouldn't be working on it is akin to them saying they are ok with my encountering those consequences.  Clearly this is unlikely and yet it's still a feeling I keep coming back to when thinking about how I might interact with them later. 

But I digress.

Even as I type this post, I continue to feel rage, though lessened, about the insinuation that what I said was fat-shaming and all the defenses come up and all the anger boils.  And I have not found the reason why my original post was fat shaming.... and yet that's still an excuse isn't it?  An excuse to feel upset about having been called out for something I would proclaim as wrong.

I'm glad to say it's not overwhelming my emotional state as it was days ago... but still, there's this feeling...  and depending upon when I investigate it, I either go down the self-pity / anger path or the route of questioning whether I'm just someone of privilege being called out and then becoming self-defensive with no actual defense other than those like "but how can I be shaming people like myself?".  

It probably doesn't help that I'm frustrated with my efforts to improve my health and that we've seen that COVID cases appear to be back on the rise in MA (as well as many other .... while these aren't directly related, they muddy my mental waters with other areas of distress and anger towards others and myself.

I'm writing this both in an effort to help myself further my self evaluation as well as to identify that it's ok to do such self evaluations.  None of us are perfect and we should all strive to be better.

Don't Assume 2

Don't assume we're ok.

Don't assume my anger has abated.

Don't assume my pain has faded.

Don't assume I know you're sorry.

Don't assume I don't need you to say something.

Don't assume the smile on my face is more than skin deep.

Don't assume this isn't about you... don't assume you can make that leap.

Don't assume my lack of comment means you're in the clear.

Don't assume that my walking away isn't near.

Don't assume the tear in my eyes are just from sorrow.

Don't assume that we'll just talk about it tomorrow.

Don't assume these bad rhymes are simply a joke.

Don't assume I won't give this bear but a poke.

Don't assume I won't be an ass.

Don't assume this will pass.

Don't assume a brief apology by text is all it will take.

Don't assume this outrage is but a fake.

Don't assume I want to move on... and 

Don't assume I won't let this rain on the fun.

The opera, the circus, the quad-friends, the workplace,

Don't assume anything, I can't promise it's the case.

Don't assume I no longer need you to say something.

Don't assume I'm no longer giving up on you.

Don't assume it's too late.  Don't assume that it's fate.

Don't assume I'll be here tomorrow... but also don't let that bring you to sorrow.

For everything in this world comes to an end... even the closeness you once may have called a friend.