Public Meetings - How To Keep The Discussion Progressing

Someone recently asked my mother how we can work better with others to make sure we don't come to a point in public discussions where the sides are so polarized and unwilling to work with eachother that the atmosphere is toxic and unmanageable.  To explore this question, I thought I'd write my thoughts on it.

The most important thing you can do is to keep an open mind and think before you speak.  This is simple when you say it, but there are a lot of things to consider both in keeping an open mind and thinking before you speak.

Think Before You Speak: Consider your audience.  Their desires are likely at odds with yours if you're considering these steps.  As such, you must consider a few things before you speak your mind.

• Is there a rationale you haven't found yet?  Don't just assume that whatever they're saying is to be taken at face value or interpreted the way you have taken it.
• What's their current emotional state?  Yes, arguing and getting angry comes easy and naturally when having heated discussions, but keep in mind that the more angry and heated you become, the more angry and heated they'll become for a number of reasons, and the less forward progress you'll make in the discussion.   You should also keep in mind that there are a couple different reasons that things you say may cause a rampant increase in anger and a rapid closure of dialogue:
• "They're not listening to me." - When people feel that you're talking past their concerns without addressing them, they start to wonder what the point in talking is.
• "They're treating me as an inferior." - Nobody likes to think that others think poorly of them.  When they do feel that way, it can lead them to not speak up about their position or explain themselves in a manner that's helpful.
• "They don't care about my concerns." - Similar to not being listened to, when someone just dismisses out of hand what another person cares about, it creates a confrontational barrier that will likely be harder to bring down than it was to build.
• What's YOUR emotional state?  Are you getting upset?  Are you getting fed up?  Chances are that others are too.  Chances are also good that you're not communicating as well as you could be and starting to unintentionally act hostile.

Open Mind: We've covered preventing others from locking down, now we'll cover why you shouldn't lock down either.

•  You're not the expert on everything.  Even if you're the expert on one subject matter, every discussion has many facets and as such there are others that will be experts.  Additionally, even experts sometimes disagree.
• You haven't heard everything.  So help me, I swear to you that you have not heard everything, so listen and you may learn of a different perspective or a different study that you haven't read or a different issue effecting the discussion.
• What's their emotional state? (revisited)  When you have an open mind, you're asking questions, you're listening to the concerns of others, you're delving deeper into those concerns.  All of these activities help those others that may oppose you (and even those who agree with you) feel like they're being more productive and listened to.  It's so much easier to keep everybody talking in a helpful way and progressing the conversation when everybody feels like they're being heard and understood.
• What's your emotional state? (revisited)  Asking questions and consciously trying to keep an open mind can help you be more agreeable as well.  Don't forget that your anger will put up the walls just as quickly as theirs does.

In short, keep the walls down both on your end and theirs by actively paying attention to others and trying to understand their point of view.  The more you learn about their concerns, the better you can address them and move the conversation forward.  If you let the walls come up on their end before you address their concerns, they may never accept that their concerns have been addressed and may not allow the conversation to progress.

Let me know if you have other thoughts on this matter, I'd certainly welcome input.