New Hampshire, here are your choices on Tuesday, 11-Feb-2020

All of your options boiled down to their most basic premise for why you should vote for them:

• Michael Bennett - Not really sure why he's still here. He hasn't been on the debate stage lately and is a rather bland white straight male. Doesn't bring much to the table that other, more popular candidates don't.
• Joe Biden - I'm the only one that's electable, though I can't excite enough people in Iowa to come in closer than 4th and the polls indicate that EVERY Democrat would beat Trump (note: polls also indicated Clinton would win... additional note: Clinton at least had people excited because she'd be the first woman President, what exactly excites people about Biden? Right, moving on). (oh, and I was VP for / and am friends with Obama, you remember him right?) (oh, and please forget all the things I've done as Senator or anything that you disagree with regarding Obama's presidency)
• Cory Booker - No longer running, so... yeah
• Mosemarie Boyd - Never actually heard of this person so if you want to throw out your vote, I guess this is as good an option as any... but you're New Hampshire and care about your role as a taste-tester, right?
• Steve Bullock - No longer running so... yeah
• Pete Buttigieg - I'm not conservative like Biden and I'm not liberal like Warren/Sanders... oh, and I don't get my campaign money by being the former Mayor of a relatively small city (I get my campaign money from my friends from my earlier job at a private equity company)
• Julian Castor - No longer running... but has endorsed Warren, so if you wanted to vote for him, consider voting for her.
• Roque De La Fuente III- Again, never actually heard of this person so if you want to throw out your vote blah blah. but you're New Hampshire and care about ... moving right along
• John Delaney - No longer running so... yeah
• Jason E Dunlap - Again, never heard of, well, you know the drill
• Michael Ellinger - Never heard, oh come on, how many of these people are there?
• Tulsi Gabbard - I swear I'm not the villain of this story...
• Ben Gleiberman - Getting tired of saying that I've never heard of this person, but yeah, he's another one that's not running nationally...
• Mark Stewart Greenstein - Maybe that's all I should say going forward... "not running nationally, are you a taste tester or not?"
• Kamala Harris - Sadly, she is no longer running... if she were, though, she's a prosecutor and will ... would have prosecuted the case against Trump.
• Henry Hewes - Not running nationally, are you a taste tester or not?
• Amy Klobuchar - Like Buttigieg, I'm not conservative or liberal... unlike Buttigieg, I have experience and am a woman and have won in an election that's larger than one city.
• Tom Koos - Not running nationally, are you a taste tester or not?
• Lorenz Kraus - Not running nationally, are you a taste tester or not?
• Rita Krichevsky - Not running nationally, are you a taste tester or not?
• Raymond Moroz - Not running nationally, are you a... oh come on, really, for taste testers for the nation you're tasting a lot of things not being considered anywhere else.
• Deval Patrick - I'm from a semi-liberal state and am friends with Obama... you remember Obama right?
• Bernie Sanders - I'm so damn liberal that I wrote the damn bill. Seriously though, Sanders is pretty damn liberal... he's also an isolationist (up to you whether that's good or bad)
• Joe Sestak - No longer running...
• Sam Sloan - Not running nationand I give up
• Tom Steyer - I'm a real billionaire, unlike Trump... so I can bring it to him in a way that no one else can... except maybe Bloomberg, but he's not on the ballet so voting for me is kind of like voting for him... except it's not because I'm much more liberal and not as tainted by time being NYC Mayor...
• David John Thistle - A thistle in the side of anybody thinking that you should be helping widdle down the field for the rest of the nation...
• Thomas Torgesan - Also not running nationally
• Elizabeth Warren - Finally got to the woman with a plan... a liberal plan...
• Robert Carr Wells Jr - Also not running nationally
• Marianne Williamson - No longer running
• Andrew Yang - We need a universal basic income so that people have enough money that they can spend some of their money on non-essential things ... you know, because then people can spend money on political campaigns.