Sunday, February 28, 2021

Don't Assume 2

Don't assume we're ok.
Don't assume my anger has abated.
Don't assume my pain has faded.
Don't assume I know you're sorry.
Don't assume I don't need you to say something.
Don't assume the smile on my face is more than skin deep.
Don't assume this isn't about you... don't assume you can make that leap.
Don't assume my lack of comment means you're in the clear.
Don't assume that my walking away isn't near.
Don't assume the tear in my eyes are just from sorrow.
Don't assume that we'll just talk about it tomorrow.
Don't assume these bad rhymes are simply a joke.
Don't assume I won't give this bear but a poke.
Don't assume I won't be an ass.
Don't assume this will pass.
Don't assume a brief apology by text is all it will take.
Don't assume this outrage is but a fake.
Don't assume I want to move on... and 
Don't assume I won't let this rain on the fun.
The opera, the circus, the quad-friends, the workplace,
Don't assume anything, I can't promise it's the case.

Don't assume I no longer need you to say something.
Don't assume I'm no longer giving up on you.
Don't assume it's too late.  Don't assume that it's fate.

Don't assume I'll be here tomorrow... but also don't let that bring you to sorrow.
For everything in this world comes to an end... even the closeness you once may have called a friend.

Don't Assume

Don't assume you know what others are going through.
Don't assume that words will never hurt.
Don't assume.
Don't assume that a person who looks happy is happy.
Don't assume that a person who has been willing to put in a ton of extra time to help will continue to do so forever, or even will do so in the near future.
Don't assume.
Don't assume you know me.
Don't assume I know you.
Don't assume.
Don't assume things will be continue as they have before.
Don't assume that things will turn out alright just because they have in the past.
Don't assume.
Don't assume this is a post about me.
Don't assume this post is about you.
Don't assume.
Just
don't
assume.

Saturday, February 27, 2021

I know what I know... what do you know?

I know you didn't mean to suggest that my struggle with my weight is meaningless and pointless and that I shouldn't work on it.

I know you didn't mean to suggest that my effort to control me diabetes through working on my weight wasn't perfectly reasonable.

I know you didn't mean to suggest that my efforts to improve myself is fat shaming.... that you saw my analogy as just an analogy and not the very real parallel that it truly was.

I know these things.

I know you consider me a friend.  Nope, I can't go that far.  
I know you consider me a good person?  Closer.  
I know you value what I have provided you and your family.  There we go, that I know.

I know that I'm considering walking away from all the physical spaces we interact... and that if I don't end up doing so, it is mostly out of a sense of obligation and the feeling of guilt toward others involved in the organizations.  I know a more likely scenario is shutting down my interactions with you in those spaces to limit them to business.
I know that I've opened up a message window to you a half dozen times and started to write something asking for an explanation or to let you know how much what you said has impacted me ... just to close it minutes later, for what good would it do?
I know that I've opened up an email to the board of directors of an organization, intending to suggest that we not hold the program this year or to let them know that they may want to look for someone else to run the program... and then closed it without actually getting so far as typing in the body of the email.
I know that this is the 3rd time I've started a blog post to explain my feelings, the first two discarded.

I know all of this... and yet I don't know why I feel this way.
I don't know why I haven't gotten past this after a day.
I don't know why I'm still wallowing in my self-pity.
I don't know why, after proclaiming that one should continue to work on their health even if they're nearing a target, I'm struggling (and failing so far) to keep working on my health.
I don't know how to express myself without coming off as a simpering pathetic person and without coming off as similar to those on the right that claim victimhood through false equivalences.

And I am very much like them.  I have an extreme amount of privilege.  I'm white, heterosexual, middle-class, living in the USA, and have no outward presenting abnormalities.  How can I claim victimhood with all these privileges?  What wrong has been perpetrated against me?  The suggestion that I was fat shaming?  That's nothing in comparison to the ability to have been pulled over by a cop without fearing for my life, the ability to walk through a store without eyes watching me, the ability to never have my name be a reason for my resume to be passed over, the ability to have my voice heard, ... and the list goes on.  It's ridiculous, therefore, that I am wallowing in self-pity. 

So... with all of that... what do you know?

Sunday, December 13, 2020

Say Something, I'm Giving Up on You

I don't know how to let you know how much your words of property being worth the same as life has damaged our relationship. 

I don't know how to get you to care about other people more than going to the grocery store right this instant.

I don't know how to get you to care the people around you that have to remain vigilant because it's life/death for themselves or members of their household.

I don't know how to get you to realize that many of your peers are remaining vigilant despite being tired and not being at risk themselves.

I don't know how to let you know that what you say now impacts how I will interact with you in 6 months and that I am considering walking away from various communities, including those I have been a part of for just about all my life.

I don't know how to express the sorrow I feel having not believed in personal responsibility prior to this year and seeing now that I still managed to believe in it more than I should have.

I don't know how to say that I'm struggling not to give up right now and need someone to say something again because it's been a minute and I'm just so tired and so done.

Saturday, November 28, 2020

Shopping For Gifts Locally

Shopping locally is the best!  Please consider purchasing your gifts locally.  Here's a short list for the Boston area (and some that are a little beyond) (let me know if you have additional ideas and I'll add here).

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Why Re-opening Now Is So Wrong

The country has been in the process of re-opening for a month now and you might have a variety of thoughts on it ranging the gambit...

  • It's right to re-open fully because 
    • it's a hoax
    • it only effects the old so they can shelter in place while the rest of us enjoy our lives
    • "there are worse things than dying" (Texas Lt Gov)
  • It's right to re-open a little because 
    • I want to support my local businesses and buy things from them.
    • it's safe enough for us to do a little as long as we're cautious
    • we should find the happy medium between lockdown and completely open
  • It's wrong to re-open because
    • we're not ready yet and we're going to see cases spike
    • we're putting people at risk by re-opening too soon
    • we should be prioritizing essential services as we re-open rather than the cosmetic 

I would argue that it's absolutely the wrong time to re-open but it's far worse than what is indicated as reasons above.  So, first, there's the obvious things that are wrong with re-opening:

If people are following the restrictions, starting to re-open increases the risk that those people are taking.  The whole point is for people to engage in riskier behavior in an effort to get the free market going again.  Let me repeat that, the WHOLE point of re-opening is for people to engage in riskier behavior in an effort to get the free market going again.  The point is not that it's safe to engage in this behavior or to avoid economic disaster... we'll return to that second point later.

That said, people already were not taking the situation as seriously as they should have for quite a long time, if ever.  By starting to re-open, many are taking the government's actions as indicating that it's safe now, so they are relaxing their adherence to the rules as well.  Which means that people are going to start engaging in much more risky behavior.  Even if we were ready for the types of activities as the government is suggesting, the people engaging in riskier behavior are going to engage in, well, riskier behavior.  And in this scenario, what others do VERY MUCH impacts everybody else.  If someone else gets sick because they had a party, and then they go grocery shopping and touch something and put it back on the shelf, guess what happens?  And that's just touching something, it gets worse if they're not wearing a mask at the grocery story or going to a restaurant (where, obviously, they wouldn't be wearing a mask).

And with all this risky behavior, we're going to increase the risk by increasing the population that is getting sick.  The more people get sick, the higher the risk factor becomes.

Ok, let's move off the whole people being risky thing.

Next up, we're essentially forcing people to work.  There's the obvious where people who have been out of work because their business was closed due to COVID-19, either have to work or be kicked off unemployment.  So... essentially, we're saying that the economy is more important than people's lives.  

Businesses are facing a similar situation where they need to open up or risk losing more money.  It's hard to say "it's not safe so I'm going to risk my business based on the potential that it could do harm to the community."  I get that.  And your landlord or debt-holders are unlikely to agree to postpone payments or forgive payments if the government isn't forcing you to not provide your full services.  I'm SO thankful that the business I have responsibility for is so small and has no debt and no landlord.  I don't have to make this decision.  I don't know what I would do.  Worse yet, as a business owner/manager, if I were to follow the ideals of not taking the risk, if I were to shut down, I would be  entering the same job market and problems that all other workers are facing in the above paragraph.  

But this where it becomes far FAR worse than it at first seems.  This is not just simply a fight to get the economy moving again, because the federal government could provide aid to keep people going through this all.  This is a fight over whether we should let the government do its job.  As long as we say "oh, it's fine for you to open your business" and "it's fine for people to go back to work" we don't have to tackle the question of "what else can we do?"  We don't have to say "should we help people more than we have been?"  We don't have to say "we can get through this, together" anymore.  

And the federal government CAN help us get through this.  We borrow money all the time for wars.  We borrow money all the time to pay for tax cuts for the wealthy.  We borrow money to pay for tax cuts for big business (including banks... yes, banks and Wall Street are another form of business and we've bailed them out recently).  We could come together and provide basic income, temporarily, to all individuals (or limit it to those who did not make over a certain amount last year, through wages or otherwise).  We could come together and provide programs that would help support businesses in this time of need.  We could come together and decide that our economy AND our people are important to us and we should support both, because we can support both.  We could come together.  But as long as we say "we don't need to do this thing, everything's fine," we won't....

oh, and the further complication is that local governments and state governments are re-opening because they too need support.  Many are not able to run up the debt that the federal government can and therefore, without the support being provided by the federal government, cannot maintain the support they need to provide to their citizens.  

Stay safe.  Stay sane.  Stay informed.  Stay companionate.

Monday, March 2, 2020

And then there were 4...

Buttigieg, Klobuchar and Steyer all dropped out in the last 2 days (well, Klobuchar's plan to drop out is announced but not yet actually completed).  With that in mind, it's time to update the summary of Democratic "contestants" as Bloomberg called the stage:

Before we begin, yes, there are actually 5 Democrats still running, but one of them is polling between 0 and 2% so I'm going to ignore her for the sake of this discussion, sorry Gabbard fans.

Biden: If you're one of those people who thinks that the moderates will overcome Trump and that people who are disgusted with Trump won't come out to vote for a progressive, Biden's the one for you.  He's been running for President for almost as long as I've been alive.  He's made a big deal of having worked with Republicans and hasn't ruled out having a Republican as a VP running mate.  By the way, if you want to consider how well it'll go "working with Republicans", look at who we have leading the Senate, look at the bills the House has passed and where they are (stuck on McConnell's desk going nowhere) and get back to me when they start getting passed.... or when a Democratic President's Supreme Court nominee gets brought up for debate in the Senate (because that still won't happen even if the nominee is announced the year after the President is sworn in, if McConnell has his way).

Bloomberg: If you're reading this and you're thinking of voting for Bloomberg in the primary... I don't know what to say.  I guess I'll point out that he's a Republican who implemented a racist policing policy and only when he decided to run for the Democratic nomination did he begin to walk back that policy, that having walked it back a little he then lied during the debates and suggested that he had learned about the issues the policy was having and had decided on his own to change things (when in fact it was a court order due to a lawsuit), that he has spent tons of money getting Republicans into office, that he has been a part of the keep-women-quiet-through-NDAs culture and only when beaten over the head with it did he start to change the tune.... Putting it simply, his tagline should be "Bloomberg: The Other White Billionaire Racist with Sexual Skeletons in his Closet"

Sanders: His ending of the the last debate was spot on.  He's not as left as you may think.  He doesn't want to nationalize everything, just healthcare and prisons.  He wants to make college affordable, sure, but he's not trying to take over the college system.  He wants to reduce our footprint overseas.  He's also exciting to the younger crowd and the more liberal end of the Democratic base than Biden.  We need to excite the base and get out the vote this year!  There's no chance of winning over Trump supporters but there is a chance of people being excited enough about a candidate to come out to vote when they wouldn't otherwise.

Warren: Similar to Sanders, she's not as far left as you may think.  She and Sanders are pretty close in terms of the end-goal but she has plans to transition us to get there.  She's also against needless wars but hasn't really come out as strongly against overseas interventions as Sanders has.  Another similarity with Sanders?  She appears to have relatively broad support among the Democratic coalition that we need to excite and get to the polls.

It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway... I would urge you to vote for Warren or Sanders (in that order).  Massachusetts' Secretary of State expects a higher-than-usual turnout tomorrow and I'm hoping that's true for all the Super Tuesday states... and that we paint the town Progressive as the polls suggest we might in most of them.